Without a doubt, the single greatest superpower is the ability to knit really fast. Blink and there's a sweater.

Blogger Idiot Perez Hilton Gets Bitch-Slapped Twice

Perez Hilton was allegedly beat up by a member of Will-i-am's bodyguards. Afterwards, GLAAD blasted Hilton for his use of an anti-gay slur.

[*Will-i-am spells his way a stupid way. This isn't the stupid way he spells his name, he has a different stupid waying of doing it.]

If John McCain could raise his arms, he'd be the father on Frasier.

I thought I was infected with a virulent strain of swine flu, but it was just hiccups.

American Swimmer, Like, Totally Busted

Michael Phelps, one of the world's greatest atheletes, was seen smoking from a marijuana pipe and quickly put out a statement that his actions were regrettable and showed poor judgement. If given the opportunity to go back and replay the incident, Phelps said he would've done it differently. "I would've turned my back to the cameras, that's for sure. And I would've had more brownies. Those brownies were awesome. I had like two and then went back to the bong, but I should've stayed with the brownies, 'cause, like, those things are freakin' awesome. I'm going back now for more brownies. I'm gonna set the world record for getting high on brownies."

Captain America Editorial

When Steve Rogers returns from the dead and finds out that his old sidekick became the new Captain America, he's going to just say thank you and expect Bucky to hand the shield back. Bucky's not going to do that. Bucky's proven himself since taking on the role of Captain America. Bucky Barnes is Captain America. Steve Rogers used to be Captain America.