Shady Rest researchers completed a vaccine for Exploding Head Syndrome late yesterday. Dr. Parnelli: "Our experiment was a success. Let me be very clear about that. We created a vaccine that causes EHS. That is undeniable. What's also undeniable is that we did the exact opposite of what we were asked to do. In our defense, we had a hard time focusing on the details of our assignment because right after that meeting, we were all going on a day trip to Knott's Berry Farm."
Back to the Drawing Board for Shady Rest Researchers
Shady Rest researchers completed a vaccine for Exploding Head Syndrome late yesterday. Dr. Parnelli: "Our experiment was a success. Let me be very clear about that. We created a vaccine that causes EHS. That is undeniable. What's also undeniable is that we did the exact opposite of what we were asked to do. In our defense, we had a hard time focusing on the details of our assignment because right after that meeting, we were all going on a day trip to Knott's Berry Farm."
Sunday, January 31, 2010
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9th grader is, like, whatever JD Salinger's passing
9th grader Todd Lagina doesn't care that the author of "Catcher in the Rye" died yesterday, he still won't read the book. Todd said, "I hate reading to begin with. And books are so over anyway. I'm not gonna read any of the books assigned just because they were assigned. Why would I want to read some old book just 'cause the dude who wrote it who I know absolutely nothing about died today? Of natural causes. I could see maybe being curious if he was, like, brutally murdered, but Saladger died in his sleep. Bor-ing... I'll just cheat off the Asian kid who sits next to me."
Friday, January 29, 2010
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New Feature: Traffic & Weather Updates
Traffic and Weather together every two minutes, all day, every day. Non-stop. Continuously.
The San Fernando Valley was hit with five straight days of rain last week, forcing the closure of the foot bridge.
Please be aware that even though the sun has returned and the weather is more agreeable, the bridge will not be open for foot traffic until the end of the week. The water level has returned safely below the bridge, but the bridge is still wet and will take a few more days to dry off.
“Caution” and “Careful: Wet Floor” signs have been posted to indicate the areas that should be avoided until the end of the week.
It has been brought to the Administration's attention that several residents believe the signs should read:
“Caution” & “Careful: Wet Ground”
The Administration thinks the issue is very important and very special and will consider it at the next board meeting.
The San Fernando Valley was hit with five straight days of rain last week, forcing the closure of the foot bridge.
Please be aware that even though the sun has returned and the weather is more agreeable, the bridge will not be open for foot traffic until the end of the week. The water level has returned safely below the bridge, but the bridge is still wet and will take a few more days to dry off.
“Caution” and “Careful: Wet Floor” signs have been posted to indicate the areas that should be avoided until the end of the week.
It has been brought to the Administration's attention that several residents believe the signs should read:
“Caution” & “Careful: Wet Ground”
The Administration thinks the issue is very important and very special and will consider it at the next board meeting.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
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Flight Forced to Land in Denver
A United Airlines flight headed for Las Vegas was forced to divert and land in Denver after an unruly passenger attempted to enter the cockpit. Several passengers and flight attendants noticed the man who is currently being held for questioning. The man allegedly rushed to the cockpit door and attempted to pry it open. Several passengers restrained the man as the plane changed course and landed safely in Denver.
A flight attendant onboard said: “It's basically impossible to get into the cockpit while the plane is in flight. And don't get me started on how these plans even fly."
He waits for the reporter to ask, but the reporter just looks at him.
The flight attendant says: “Well, the plane flies with the help of science, obviously, but it's mostly caused by millions of microscopic flying unicorn wings flapping in the skies. (Indicates the sky) They're up there. We just can't see 'em."
Reporter: "Because the... unicorns are microscopic."
Flight Attendant: "No. They're magic."
Reporter stops taking notes and says: "I see. Thanks for your time." He starts to walk away.
The Flight Attendant follows and says:"Aviation is just as much magic as it is science."
The reporter threw his pen at the flight attendant and left.
A flight attendant onboard said: “It's basically impossible to get into the cockpit while the plane is in flight. And don't get me started on how these plans even fly."
He waits for the reporter to ask, but the reporter just looks at him.
The flight attendant says: “Well, the plane flies with the help of science, obviously, but it's mostly caused by millions of microscopic flying unicorn wings flapping in the skies. (Indicates the sky) They're up there. We just can't see 'em."
Reporter: "Because the... unicorns are microscopic."
Flight Attendant: "No. They're magic."
Reporter stops taking notes and says: "I see. Thanks for your time." He starts to walk away.
The Flight Attendant follows and says:"Aviation is just as much magic as it is science."
The reporter threw his pen at the flight attendant and left.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
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I blame Mark Millar (DRAFT)
Mark Millar used MySpace to promote Kick-Ass. He's the one who's stirring shit up right between Marvel and DC with his upcoming project with his "Civil War" partnern artist Steve McNiven. The upcoming project is "Nemesis." But you know all this stuff. It seems pretty clear to me that it Mark Millar is responsible for all of it...
Comic books have never been more popular than they are right now. History will show that we are in the midst of a new golden age of comic books. It's bigger than a golden age. This shit is platinum. Marvel comics just announced a promotional event where retailers and customers were asked to mail in unsold copies of DC Comic titles associated with their largest event of the year, "Blackest Night" by Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis.
The two companies have co-existed, albeit at a distance, for a long time and the relationship has been nothing short of neighborly. [need specifics, softball league?] So what's happened that caused Marvel to adopt a new promotions strategy?
Mark Millar is what happened. He was an orignal architect of Marvel's Ultimate Universe with the Ultimates and the introduction of the Ultimate Fantastic Four with Brian Michael Bendis. Due to health emergencies and other factors that i don't know about, led Millar to leave Marvel and venture into the world of independent comics. The result is nothing short extraordinary.
Millar wrote "Wanted" for Top Cow some time later. the comic book was an instant success and eventually got adapted into a feautre film and made buckets of money. And now his second comic book project, "Kick-Ass," is destined to set even higher totals.
"Nemesis" -- the cover art with Heath Ledger and Christian Bale from "Dark Knight" caused quite a stir a few weeks ago. And now Marvel announces this new trade-in promotion? Millar riled everyone up at Marvel.
Comic books have never been more popular than they are right now. History will show that we are in the midst of a new golden age of comic books. It's bigger than a golden age. This shit is platinum. Marvel comics just announced a promotional event where retailers and customers were asked to mail in unsold copies of DC Comic titles associated with their largest event of the year, "Blackest Night" by Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis.
The two companies have co-existed, albeit at a distance, for a long time and the relationship has been nothing short of neighborly. [need specifics, softball league?] So what's happened that caused Marvel to adopt a new promotions strategy?
Mark Millar is what happened. He was an orignal architect of Marvel's Ultimate Universe with the Ultimates and the introduction of the Ultimate Fantastic Four with Brian Michael Bendis. Due to health emergencies and other factors that i don't know about, led Millar to leave Marvel and venture into the world of independent comics. The result is nothing short extraordinary.
Millar wrote "Wanted" for Top Cow some time later. the comic book was an instant success and eventually got adapted into a feautre film and made buckets of money. And now his second comic book project, "Kick-Ass," is destined to set even higher totals.
"Nemesis" -- the cover art with Heath Ledger and Christian Bale from "Dark Knight" caused quite a stir a few weeks ago. And now Marvel announces this new trade-in promotion? Millar riled everyone up at Marvel.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
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