An Open Letter to Rude, Short People

If there’s an event I’m excited about going to, and I know in advance that it’s standing room only and first come-first serve, I’m going to get there early and get a good spot. If an elderly person, or a handicapped person wants to get in front of me just as the lights are dimming and the funky drums kick in, I’ll gladly take a step back. This compassion doesn’t extend to you, rude short person. You budge your way to the front of a crowd, like, “Out of my way, I’m short, I deserve to be up front.” You don’t. If you want a good spot, come early like everybody else. It's not my fault you didn't turn out taller. Or bring a booster seat to the event.

Listen here, short person. You're not a direct descendent of Napoleon. And unless you have an entire army behind you, you’re not slipping in front of me at the next The News* concert I attend.

(The News, formerly with Huey Lewis)