Phoenix, Arizona. Shockwaves were felt throughout the archaeology world today when an excavation of a Hochapawnee Indian burial ground led to the discovery of a skeleton fossilized in the ground. Upon removing the find, researchers noticed the body was clinging to several slabs of soapstone. The stones were sent to a lab at Arizona State University for further study. Paleontologist Liore Palmer said, “The University isn’t going to make an official announcement until we’ve had a chance to examine all 22 slabs, but at this point, we believe we’ve found the world’s first episodic stories etched into soapstone.”
At the end of the press conference, Palmer handed reporters some initial transcriptions from the slabs. A portion of that document is listed below:
A CAVEMAN SITS NEAR FIRE IN A CAVE, SCRATCHING A THIN SLAB OF MARBLE WITH A CRUDE ROCK TOOL. HE GRUNTS AND HANDS IT OFF TO A CAVEBOY, WHO WALKS OUT OF THE CAVE AS CLOG, THE NEIGHBOR, WANDERS IN.
Clog: “Hey, Blog… Blog.”
BLOG GRUNTS AT HIM.
Clog: “I gotta tell you something.”
Blog: “Busy. Work. No talk.”
Clog: “Fine, no problem. It's about your story slabs. You're not going to like it."
Blog: “Who do what?”
Clog: “Oh, it’s nothing. You work.”
Blog: “Tell me.”
Clog: “No, don't worry about it. Finish your slab. I'll come back later.”
BLOG THROWS THE SLAB AT CLOG.
Clog: “Okay, okay. Someone’s making copies of your slabs onto, get this… soapstone.”
Blog: “Get out.”
Clog: “Okay.”
CLOG DROPS HIS HEAD AND STARTS TO LEAVE.
Blog: “Stop."
Clog: "But you said --"
Blog: "No mean it. Focus! Why someone put my story on soapstone?”
Clog: “Because it’s an easy and cheap way of distributing it to people.”
Blog: "Wait. People are buying it?"
Clog: "In droves."
Blog: "I can't believe it. I haven't gotten a fur or pelt or anything.”
Clog: "And you won't unless something's done about this injustice!"
Blog: “Who could be capable of such a thing? Nog? Rog? Oh, let me guess... is it Wog?”
Clog: “No, worse. Nick Counter.”
Blog: “Urgh! Me no like Counter!”
BLOG AND CLOG GRAB THEIR CLUBS AND HURRY OUT.
