Day 3 of the Battle at Thermopylae between the Spartan 300 and the entire Greek army. The Spartans are quickly approaching a glorious death. All 300 are looking forward to dining in hell after eating their final, hearty breakfast on Earth. Really? All of 'em?...THE SPARTAN PHALANX HAS JUST BEEN BROKEN.
Leonidas (off-screen): “My queen. My wife. My love. Be strong. Good-bye.”
AN INCREDIBLE VOLLEY OF ARROWS LANDS ON THE 300. GARCIUS STANDS UP FROM BENEATH THE PROTECTION OF HIS SHIELD. HE PICKS UP A NEARBY SWORD AND FLINGS AT AN ONCOMING PERSIAN.
Garcius: “Hey, Leonidas! What’re you doing? Get up!”
LEONIDAS LIES THERE, DEAD.
Garcius: “Now is not the time to cower in fear, Spartan! Stand and fight!”
Prius: “He can’t.”
Garcius: “Of course he can. Fear has never stopped our king before.”
Prius: “Death will.”
Garcius: “What are you talking about?”
Prius: “Our King is dead.”
Garcius: “Get out of here.” HE SPOTS SOMETHING. “Duck!”
HE GRABS PRIUS JUST IN TIME TO AVOID ANOTHER VOLLEY OF ARROWS.
Prius: “’Then we’ll fight in the shade.’ Why the hell would he say that?!”
MORE ARROWS FALL ONTO SPARTAN SWORDS.
Prius: "Seriously, how many arrows do they have?!"
GARCIUS CONTINUES TO FIGHT LIKE A TRAINED SOLDIER.
Garcius: “Come on, Prius. We have to fight! For Sparta!”
Prius: “We have to get out of here.”
Garcius: “But that's not the Spartan spirit!"
Prius: "Who cares about that?"
Garcius: "I only signed up for this because I owed on my no pig pig farm, and you said, 'No matter what happens, Leonidas will protect us.'”
Prius: “Yeah, he also just said goodbye to his wife before falling to what appears to be every arrow in the world."
Garcius: “Well, now what are we supposed to do?!”
Prius: “It’s every man for himself!”
Garcius: “That’s crazy!”
Prius: “I know!”
Garcius: “We should get out of here!"
Prius: "I know!"
Garcius: "Dining in hell sounds great and all, but let’s go skewer some squirrels in a cave, alive on earth!”
Prius: "Sounds like a plan."
THEY RUN OFF.
[Thanks again to Frank Miller and Lynn Varley for unknowingly allowing me to spoof their great book]
