During a press conference yesterday, the United Nations named George Clooney as its latest peace envoy. His duties will include giving lectures about the current state of the world's gay animal population. Clooney gained notoriety playing the hunky handyman, George Burnett, on The Facts of Life, and as Sparky the gay dog on South Park. Clooney said, “I’ve been involved with projects that highlighted censorship in journalism, nuclear proliferation and did a number on the Batman franchise. And that's been rewarding. But do you know how many gay animals there are in the world? Exactly. You don't. I do. I had a pet pig. He wasn't gay, but we shared a bed together."A UN spokesperson said that Clooney was not replacing Bono. "Bono is just taking time off to select another pair of rose-colored sunglasses."
